Saturday 8 August 2009

It Could Happen: A Warning To Warmists

Picture this if you can. It's Friday afternoon at the IPCC climate lab. Dozens of government funded climate scientists are hunched around a big computer frantically feeding in dodgy punch cards. They've had it easy the rest of the year, not even wearing their lab coats most of the time, but this week is different. The IPCC report is due out on Monday and they must get those warming projections as high as possible before release.

They haven't been outside for months and by order of the administrator no windows are allowed so that noone can see outside. Some of them have left their sports cars in the open because their models said it would never snow again. It's snowing outside.

Suddenly the phone goes. One of supervisors picks up the phone. There is a muffled voice of urgency at the other end. "Auditors?!" the supervisor exclaims in alarm, "From the Internet?", "Here? ... Now?!". For a few seconds everyone in the room freezes. Then as quick as silence fell they begin scrambling around the room binning this and shredding that.

A Warmists Worse Nightmare

Warmists of course think the above turn of events will never happen. They know the labs are defended by government red tape. Internet auditors like me would never be allowed to analyze one of these labs or look at the code.

However now we are using the red tape against them. Through clever use of Freedom of Information requests and YouTube takedowns we are slowing them down. If a file is moved, did they tell us? Did they have authorization to move it? How was it moved? Who moved it? When was it moved? Why did they move it? Are the timestamps for the move accurate? Was the move logged? Who audited the logs? Who authorized the audits of the logs? Are the log authorizations audited? Just who is paying for all of this??

If we just hack away with these questions hopefully they will become so busy meeting our demands that they will miss the deadline for the next IPCC report. What we are looking for is strange file movements and procedures not met. This is what blog science is all about and we are doing it today.

Further Supplimentary Demands

For Warmists I have 4 straight forward demands you must make for transparency and QA standards. If you do not comply I will report on your non-compliance and will also consider suing the IPCC.

  1. I hearby demand the IPCC rewrite it's climate model in a modern programming language such as Visual Basic or Java Script for auditing purposes. FORTRAIN is outdated and inadequate.
  2. I hearby demand windows are installed in all exterior walls of IPCC computer labs to ensure climate scientists can properly observe the cold global temperatures and failing crops everyone else is seeing.
  3. I hearby demand all data files held on IPCC computers are released immediately to wordpress and blogspot.
  4. I hearby demand temperature records are unadjusted immediately.
  5. Please satisify all further demands posted by readers in the comments.
Remember if you don't meet these demands I may very well sue the IPCC.


  1. I have read that the hockey-stick man Mann had a secret file on his secret computer with the name "censored_data_that_would_falsify_AWG".

  2. Speaking about suing, I'm eagerly awaiting those 30,000 scientists to sue Al Gore.

    That will be another stake in the cold hearts of the global warming blood-suckers.

  3. I don't know if it's true (so it probably is) but they say that Mann had half a dozen completely superfluous Tesla oscillator's installed in the IPCC computer suite.

    Mainly for show in a Frankenstein's castle chic kinda way, they serve the important secondary purpose of distracting visiting busybodies.

    It's difficult to maintain focus on the finer points of the hockey stick (or anything else) with 100,000v bolts arcing across the room at your jacksie.

    Morono's a rank amateur in comparison.

  4. We also have a right to know what happens to all the countless billions and billions of dollars and euros that end up in the climate modeller's pockets. Hence, we demand that all climate modellers must account for all their spendings: for their mansions, private jumbo jets and yachts, swimming pools, designer clothes, champagne, foie gras burgers, beluga pizzas, panda shooting safaris and so.

  5. Spare a thought for this valiant blog prof entrapped by an evil warmist spoof intended to make us web scientists look like complete chumps:

    Climate change caused by saprotrophic eubacteria - anyone could fall for that one. Climate change caused by increasing levels of greenhouse gases - no way!

  6. Unfortunately "plausibility" is one of the warmists' strengths and has led to the situation described in Lars' previous post. Casting luxuries before swine.

    But I remain optimistic that when Dr. "call me Christopher" Booker and Lord High Professor in Excelsis 'Bedwetter" Monckton return from their pauper's respites in Tuscany (in time for the grouse I'm sure) the boot will be on the other foot - as the Great Duke said at Waterloo.

    Oh yus. Just wait and see ....

  7. Sledgehamma fo' da TRUTH10 August 2009 at 12:52

    THE INFERNAL ONE IS BACK!!!! Woooooooooohooooooooooo, ha, yeah, boogie baby like there's no tomorrow 'cause the thermal head cases will again be in full retreat now, as well they should be given the repeated smackdowns administered here with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer at the county fair after the demolition derby. HAHAHA, Party Time Babeeeeeeee!

  8. Welcome back, Inferno. As always, I applaud your efforts to expose the AGWarmers, even from within by installing IPCC windows...

  9. Inferno,

    Have you heard anything from the warmists yet? Or are they too busy trying to bury the evidence to answer?

  10. Tick tock tick tock .... where are the warmists? Where are they hiding? What are they hiding?

    To use the prothetic words of the great Viscount Monckton of Brenchley, a giant among the climate science dwarves, midgets and pygmies:
    "Where are they all today, those bed-wetting moaning Minnies of the
    Apocalyptic Traffic-Light Tendency – those Greens too yellow to admit
    they’re really Reds?"

  11. I also have to share the follwoing words of wisdom with you, from a blog scientists called "Hahn" (translated from Swedish):

    A common argument for AGW is the amount of peer-reviewed articles that support AGW. The number of institutions that also do that. Meanwhile, they ridicule creationism in all its forms for its unscientificness. But according to the same logic, for instance, the number of copies of the Bible, its global distribution and not the least how widely cited the Bible is, doublessly mean that it presents facts. That is hardly the case, but the same thing applies to the highest degree to AGW theory."

  12. I'm not sure that I follow the translation clearly, Lars.
    Is he saying that looked at globally, Bibles are acting as a carbon sink?

  13. Chek,

    He is saying that AGW has a lot of peer-reviewed articles supporting it, and creationism has a lot of Bibles supporting it. But creationism is not science, and therefor neither is AGW. You can't argue with that logic, can you?

    And who wants carbons sinks? Carbon is plant food and the very foundation for life, so why would we want to sink it?

  14. I guess not or ... oh I don't know.
    You lie down with warmists and you get up with blog jargon. Truth is, I no longer know what to think.

    Last month I was explaining to anyone who would listen the planet was burning up but that was OK and perfectly natural because so was all the rest of the solar system.

    And then this month I have to tell them all again that it's cooling and we'll likely freeze to death.
    When did that memo go round?

    Seriously, unless there's some definite leadership in this movement, I'm off back to The Flat and Hollow Earth Society.

  15. Multiple conundra12 August 2009 at 16:26

    Lars, the carbon sink refers to the amount of money being tossed down the drain by tax loving, hand wringing (and waving), warmist ding dong "researchers" to support their inter-continental conferences, Gore's utility bill, and the take-down of civilized society as we know it. Or knew it.

    And I think it's pretty well established that the Bible was peer-reviewed.

  16. chek,

    The climate has always changed chaotically and unpredictably - one month ice age, six months later thermal maximum. That only proves that humans and their puny emissions of so-called "greenhouse gases" (a misnomer, because they don't really come from green houses) have nothing to do with it.

  17. Where the hell have YOU been? We need all hands to the pump, somebody has stolen my internet identity and has been pumping out low grade satire ...

    Your good self, Professor Watts, Doctors McIntyre and GOddard need your help, Michael Mann has a ridiculous paper out inferring that hurricane intensity may increase if sea temperatures rise. A ridiculous proposal and fortunately the Prof. Watts has enlisted the authoratative voices of blog commentators to spell out in detail the flaws in Professor Mann's argument..

    "He’s such a duffer, isn’t he?"

    "Has anyone else noticed that Michael Mann now looks very like Kane in the Command and Conquer computer game series ?"(Stephen Wilde, Fellow of the Royal Meteorological Socity)

    "I’m telling you, these guys are walking in the same steps as McCarthy. It’s only a matter of time….."

    "I’m embarassed to be from PSU because of him; what a joke. Maybe the football team will do good this fall…"

    "I like the picture with the Matrix at the back… I guess he did not take the right pill and is still asleep."

    "He should “peer reviewed” by a team of independent……..psychiatrists"

    "Science is being dragged through the mud by these detestable charlatans"

    "He’s Smoking something and it isn’t Havanas…"

    "Mann has no shame or scruples. None whatsoever…"

    "Michael Milken: Junk Bond King. Michael Mann: Junk Science King. Well, if the shoe fits…"

    All excellent points, I am sure we can agree. Unfortunately some posters did not stick to a rigourous analysis of the science and the moderator quite rightly responded ...

    [snip - ad hom]

    Good to see the standards of debate being defended.`

  18. Thanks for posting that Phil.
    I don't get over there often enough and it's stimulating to follow a good, in depth debate even without joining in.

    Typical that someone jumps in and spoils it with an ad hom. Bet that was a warmist.

  19. On a different note, check out this post at Roger Pielke Jrs Blog:

    Roger finds 1,264 news stories covering a study by Michael Mann, hockey stick fraudster and movie director (e.g. Heat), but only 1 covering a study by Chris Landsea, who is not in the movie business. What a terrible example of journalistic bias, and of the take-over of Hollywood by warmist fraudsters and con men.

  20. are you 100% sure that Mann the alarmist psuedoscientist and Mann the film director are the same person, after all one produced a work of fiction about Heat, and the other...

  21. It is certainly my informed idea that they are the same. Can you prove otherwise? Maybe you can show their birth certificates? No, I didn't think so...

  22. Dr. Inferno,

    Thanks for yet another excellent post.

    Unfortunately, I fear your efforts to use the Freedom of Information Act will fail to stop the IPCC and the criminal cabal of watermelon activists (green on the outside, red communists on the inside) behind it.

    The problem is that the Freedom of Information Act is an American law that only applies to the American government. Whereas the IPCC is "intergovernmental" and as this name implies, it is part of the internationalist "one world government" Islamo-Communist movement. The IPCC was established by those America-hating foreigners at the United Nations, specifically the United Nations Environment Program (UNEP) and the World Meteorological Organization (WMO). It is no secret that the whole AGW myth only exists to justify transferring America's wealth to those that hate America (i.e. non-Americans).

    As usual, when it comes to enslaving American patriots, it isn't done through the U.S. government, where WE THE PEOPLE have recourse. Oh no, it is done through some internationalists scheme so that sovereign citizens have no redress or appeal. All sending in Freedom of Information Act requests will accomplish is get you moved to the top of the list of "dangerous right wing extremists" that the Kenyan usurper and the U.N. will use when the roundups of patriots begin.

    Please don't risk yourself this way, America needs as many straight-shooting blog scientists as it can get. You will do no good in a Obama death camp. You can accomplish more, and with less chances of warmist reprisals by teabagging and raiding town hall meetings than by filing pieces of paper with your name all over them with a government that is out to get you.

    Patriotically yours,
    Prof. Malvolio

    BTW: Though not a blog scientist, I hold two doctorates (one in Applied Christian Apologetics and one in Christological Metaphysics) and am a professor at a very distinguished school. After reviewing your website, I like what I read, so please consider yourself "peer reviewed" now.

  23. Now that's what I'm talking about.

    It's just this kind of heavyweight endorsement by Prof M. above that will establish our position in the public eye and let the public see what we're all about.

    On a different note, an idea occurred to me regarding public activism on exposing the CO2 hoax.

    If CO2 was so dangerously warming how come we use it to extinguish fires, huh?

    Obviously we wouldn't be trying to raise the temperature of the fire with CO2, we'd be cooling it to the point that it's no longer burning.

    I feel that it's this kind of simple and obvious everyday example that can really get across to people what we're doing.

  24. Good thinking, chek. And why would one carbonate soft drinks, if carbon dioxide had a warming effect? Obviously, people want their soft drinks as cool as possible, and not boiling due to some "green house effect".

  25. Inferno,

    You are right, as always. We can't have too much in the way of auditing of the so-called climate models.

    For too long the IPCC has been a closed shop. Why don't we have independent labs outside the IPCC trying to validate their models? Why is everyone silent on this point?

    I guess one reason is the cost of competing with the UN-funded IPCC labs. At UN prices we could never afford the nails, let alone the hammer, to complete the coffin of global warming. That computer you show in the photo must have cost a fortune. How many research groups, or even universities, could afford to purchase a computer like that?

    The only one like it I have seen before was built by Rockwell Automation, but good luck trying to buy one. I sense a UN conspiracy at work here.

  26. Maybe auditors are not enough. Maybe we need to send some aurors. I mean, the IPCC probably has dementors protecting their models.

  27. Some more demands:
    1. All temperature data should be adjusted to the same reference period, preferably 1997. We like when most of the anomalies come out negative.

    2. We demand all ice cores be made available to southern states in the summer to help cool our drinks and homes, and maybe to have a snow fight.

    3. We demand James Hansen and Gavin Schmidt grow some hair over their cranium. Scientists lacking in thermal insulation obviously have a vested interest in a warming world.

    4. We demand that climate scientists change their names to units of power, heat and energy. Its the only way to make your name in climate blog science.

    5. We demand that only climate models that meet Apple's iPhone app criteria should be approved for use in predictions. Portable devices are the future.

    6. We demand that all climate science results from any source, be first submitted to digg where a special category will be set up, to let the public vote up or down which ever climate prediction they most believe to be correct. Social media is the future.

    7. We demand climate models be explainable in 140 characters or less.

    8. We demand that climate modellers produce pretty animations that can be remixed on youtube and downloaded to iPhones where they can be squirellized, rickrolled, and keyboard cat'ed.

  28. Baron Barbarossa28 August 2009 at 06:55

    You, sir, are a gentleman.

  29. We should shut down the Met Office Supercomputer just in case there is any truth to the CO2/global warming scare.

    In the mean time, we need to start a petition to show how serious we are about all this and how many blog scientists agree with our view. If the OISM won't run this petition, we need to start another think tank with words like "Institute" and "Science" in its name to do so.

  30. Uh, in case you don't know, the IPCC does not have a lab. It is na scientific organization, it is a political organization and all it does is compile current literature that supports their theory of AGW. No scientific inquiry at all.

  31. I hate those computir's man! Are these desk reserchirs even real doktorits, or are they just Mr's like Mr. Bamner (who just got slid into his job) - the desk potato?

  32. Yes if your code cannot be easily audited this is a problem. Making excuses and jokes does not make the problem go away.

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  34. in my opinion Warmists sometimes tend to be so worried about little changes in the climate or some events and they panic, they should think and analyze in a deeper way what is going on

  35. I wonder if the climate models will changed in a couple of years.

  36. I'm not sure that I follow the translation clearly, Lars.
    Is he saying that looked at globally, Bibles are acting as a carbon sink?

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