Friday, 24 December 2010

Jaws: A movie review


Synopsis

A group of so-called government funded "experts" whip up alarmist fears of a killer shark off the coast of Amity, a sea side town. Their goal is to destroy the local tourist industry, send Amity back to the dark ages and thus achieve their underlying socialist agenda of wealth redistribution. The heroes of this tale are the local major and business leaders who lead a successful audit of the alarmist claims and by doing so manage to delay action long enough that the beach remains open. In the end it turns out a shark has been eating people.

Plot

It all starts when a body washes up on a beach. Of course bodies wash up on beaches all the time in natural cycles called tides. It happens. I was very unsurprised by this, but the so-called "experts" in Amity are opportunists and exploited the situation for their own agenda.

The coroner is tasked with determining the cause of death. Rather than just admitting "we do not know" he instead coins a bizarre theory that a shark is to blame. The police chief, Martin Brody, a kind of Al-Gore figure, believes the claims of the coroner unquestionably. Just laps it up. One minute he's on the phone to the coroner, next minute he's writing the cause of death on a report as "shark attack". Unbelievable.

Delaying Action

The Town Mayor, Larry Vaughn, comes up with a much plausible theory - that the cause of death was a boat propeller. He should have thrown some more theories in there though in case they find a problem with the boat propeller one. Keep the experts busy addressing various counter explanations, however implausible, and action will be delayed.

If I was Mayor Vaughn I would have also sent an FIOA request for the coroner's raw data and all the emails sent between the police chief and the coroner. Then I could have sifted through it looking for something wrong.

Ben Meadows, a journalist for the Amity Gazette, was more effective at delaying action. First he cites technical procedures preventing closure of the beach:
"Technically you need the instruction of a civic ordinance or a special meeting of the town selectmen"

Very true!

When that doesn't work he appeals to uncertainty and doubt:
"We're not even sure what it was."

Indeed. It could have been a boat propeller, or perhaps a particularly sharp piece of water. Keep the experts on their toes, don't let them reach a "conclusion".

Mayor Vaughn sums up alarmism:
"It's all psychological, anyway. You yell 'Barracuda' and everyone says 'huh'. You yell 'Shark' and we've got a panic on our hands. I think we all agree we don't need a panic this close to the 4th of July."

Another Dead Body

Another dead body is found. Yawn. Of course the alarmism hits the roof and the "shark theory" goes public. The Mayor wisely holds a council meeting, kind of like a congressional hearing, and invites all the local business leaders.

Even if there IS a shark, is mitigating the problem by closing the beach really the correct solution? Can't bathers just adapt to a killer shark? Not that we are conceding ground on the existence of the shark yet. As one of the locals helpfully points out: "Nobody's seen a shark.". True at least no-one alive has seen one, and that's all that really matters.

Enter The Scientist

Matt Hooper from the "Oceanographic Institute" turns up. No-one seems to have called him, he just kind of appears. I've heard that scientists can actually smell sources of funding from up to 50 kilometers away. Hooper takes one look at the body and arrogantly proclaims:
"It wasn't an 'accident,' it wasn't a boat propeller, or a coral reef, or Jack the Ripper. It was a shark."

What alarmist nonsense! He just blew through all those equally good explanations. And as the local pointed out "nobody's seen a shark". So it's unscientific for Hooper to assert there definitely is a shark. He's hiding the uncertainty and doubt. Of course if he admitted there wasn't a shark all his funding would dry up...

But just like the CAGW fraud, the locals fall for Hooper's academic speak as if a so-called "shark expert" is some kind of authority on sharks. They are seemingly forgetting that Mayor Vaughn's theories are just as valid.

What Mayor Vaughn should have done here is start a blog called SharkAudit or WhatsUpWithTheShark. Unfortunately he doesn't think of this.

The Shark is Caught

While the so-called "experts" are playing with their "theories" and models, the local townspeople in the real world manage to catch and kill the shark, it's a large tiger shark which they bring back onto land. At this point we can conclude it was a shark attack after-all, because now that the possibility of beach closure has gone there is no reason to deny it anymore.

Of course Hooper the shark "expert" is not happy. He refuses to accept facts and claims they need to open the shark up to check it's the right one. The police chief, who is probably a communist stooge, is only too happy for this to go ahead.

Mayor Vaugn successfully prevents an autopsy on the shark. There's no need for evidence anymore.

The Scientist Admits To Losing the Raw Data

Hooper finds a Great White shark tooth in a wreck containing another dead body. Wow that's convenient. A dead body AND a Great White shark tooth. You couldn't make it up! Oh but wait it gets better - the Mayor wisely does an audit:

"Is that tooth here? Did anyone see it?"

Hooper admits he LOST the shark tooth in the water. If I was that incompetent in my business I would go out of business. But this is Oceanography we are talking about.

So the mayor wisely ignores the 3rd body citing the missing shark tooth:
"Well, I'm not going to commit economic suicide on that flimsy evidence."

Quite right! That's exactly what these socialists want you to do - commit economic suicide!

We Need More Funding!

The police chief makes a play for more funding:
"We have got to close the beaches. We have got to get someone to kill the shark, we need non-corrosive mesh netting, we need scientific support..."

Such a transparent grab for socialism and government control of the beach! The so-called shark expert also makes a frenzied last ditch attempt to fool the masses:

"Out there is a Perfect Engine, an Eating Machine that is a miracle of evolution -- it swims and eats and that's all. Look at that! Those proportions are correct. I know sharks."

If he actually believed there was a killer shark out there about to eat people would he really get so hysterical about it?

The mayor exposes his hidden agenda:
"You'd love to prove that. Getting your name in the National Geographic."

Yes it's all about funding and fame with these so-called "experts". They want to get their names in magazines. Can't trust them.

Anyway in the end it turns out a great white shark killed all those people. But on the plus side the beach does stay open.

257 comments:

  1. Inferno,

    Thank you for this Christmas present! What a brilliant, inspired, post!

    Dirk,
    Blog Science Expert Reviewer
    55 posts to Blog Professorship

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't think the police chief and scientist ever sorted out the attribution. What percentage of each death was due to the shark bite(s) versus drowning due to weakness from blood loss, or perhaps lack of sufficient limbs to tread water with?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Where's Viscount Monckton when we need him?

    Oh, and Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Baron von Monckhofen25 December 2010 12:08

    "Anyway in the end it turns out a great white shark killed all those people."
    Wait a moment. There was never any conclusive evidence that the shark killed all those people. The only person that we know was killed by the shark was Quint, and he accidentally fell into the mouth of the shark. The shark tried to spit him out, but Quint was kicking and screaming and it is not easy to spit somebody out when your jaws are lined with rows upon rows of large serrated teeth. So I would say that killing was an accident. And it was a deeply ironic accident, as Quint was one of the chief alarmists, and he died when he tried to prove his spurious theory.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Baron von Monckhofen25 December 2010 12:14

    If the other victims were killed by an animal, I would say that it was far more likely to be some kind of dinosaur, like in "Jurassic Park". I'd trust the late Michael Chrichton over those oceanographers any day of the week!

    ReplyDelete
  6. As we well know, correlation is not causation.
    Just because one shark was seen to eat someone (and then only under extreme provocation, as the Baron points out) does not prove the other chewed and mangled bodies washed up in the course of the story were due to shark attack even when red herrings like the alleged shark tooth are oh-so conveniently found.

    Marauding gangs of pirhana, killer squids or even a psychopathic slasher frogman et al aren't even given the most cursory of consideration - it's all shark, shark, shark to the one track minded, so-called "expert".

    That is exactly the sort of lazy thinking that inevitably leads to socialism and blaming a harmless life enhancing gas like CO2.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Come away with me to Ben Gardner's garden.....

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  8. They told me that it was all filmed in a studio. Just like the Moon Landings.

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  9. Excellent - this 'Movie Review' deserves to be widely circulated.

    ReplyDelete
  10. A scientist recently admitted that there has been no statiscially significant trend in the devoured people anomaly for more than 15 years.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sharks are plant food!

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  12. People just don't seem to get that this is a satire - why not?! Because they haven't read enough, probably. If you read the book, in the right frame of mind, it's quite obviously another clever critique of the communism we are currently so close to adopting.

    People think they need 'saving' from the capitalist 'shark', yet I believe the author modestly proposes that only the weak are taken (including, of course, the 'intellectually weak' alarmists), and that ultimately even they would agree that can only be a good thing, overall. In this sense the shark never really existed (except as an allegory of inevitability), which ties in well with the perceptive analyses above.

    If anything, to me the resourceful 'winners' (played by the survivors) seem heartened that their long-understood superiority so easily guaranteed their survival! I can't help feeling the parallels with fellow AGW skeptics here.

    Our wiles will surely guarantee our place at the BBQ on the gloriously empty beach, where we will look at each other meaningfully! See you there!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sharks prevent heart attacks!

    ReplyDelete
  14. The chances of being attacked by a shark were misrepresented upwards by the gravy train fund seeking scientists.

    They did this by downplaying (or deliberately airbrushing out????) the effect that increasing numbers of tourists swimming in Amity waters (the so-called urban heatwave Amity Island cool off effect) were having on the total numbers of tasty targets in the sea.

    ReplyDelete
  15. We have yet to see an engineer-level explanation of the mastication of sharks.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Endorphin Monkey28 December 2010 14:29

    Oh Great. Now the warmists are blaming shark attacks on climate change. What will they attribute to climate change next? Bad haircuts? Nasty skin infections? If they won't, we can always say they do.

    Gotta go now. I forgot to leave a light on in an empty room, and I have to turn up the heat in the garden shed. That'll show those Eco-Trotskyites!

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  17. So the theory is that people swimming in the ocean causes sharks to be bigger and more agressive. And therefore the only solution is to close the beaches forever. Stop the swimming, stop the sharks.

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  18. Ragged Edge of Reality30 December 2010 20:37

    I would hasten to point out that Ben Meadows went on to have a stellar capitalist career in the scientific sampling equipment business:
    http://www.benmeadows.com/

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank you, Dr Inferno. If only they had freed the data and the code, none of this would have happened.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yes, back in the 70s, scientists were all screaming about sharks and now they are all worried about jellyfish. They can't make up their minds.

    ReplyDelete
  21. byron, I remember the shark cooling scare concensus. It was all over the newpapers.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I think the dangers of sharks are greatly exaggerated. The Lord created sharks to separate the good swimmers from the bad swimmers. And let's face it: any god-fearing, hard-working Christian like myself is unlikely to be ever attacked by a shark. No, it's mostly those godless athiest liberals who dress down to almost or complete nakedness and laze around on the beach for weeks while raking in my tax money who are most likely to be attacked by sharks. I would say, let's thank the Lord for the sharks!

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  23. Baron von Monckhofen8 January 2011 11:07

    frank,
    That's a good link. They write this about Obama and other liberals: "It’s like these folks are pod-people from “Invasion of the Body-Snatchers.” They look and talk like productive people, but their tendrils are sucking the very lifeblood out of us, morally and financially."

    Exactly, it is Obama we should be afraid of, and not some poor innocent shark.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The problem was obviously too strict gun- or in this case harpoon laws. If swimmers can't defend themselves against angry or hungry sharks, they will of course eventually get eaten

    ReplyDelete
  25. There is irrefutable anecdotal evidence of more shark attacks per capita in the Middle Ages than now.

    But let's say the OTTCAGW alarminatti are right. Great Whites like cold water, like S Australia and S Africa so if these sharks are eating people further North than usual, that means the seas are definitely cooling.

    That's the problem with OTTCAGW scientistimos - they don't think their debates through to the logical conclusions.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Scheider has long been discredited for his crazy ideas since his apparent 'victory' with so-called 'Jaws' (Which btw I note has also been called 'Hook Jaw' - they can't even make up their minds what to call this 'threat';})

    When considering Scheider, first calmly ask yourself this question: WHERE ARE ALL THE THUNDEROUS BLUE HELICOPTERS?? WELL??? THERE YOU ARE!!

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  27. This is a brilliant piece of writing. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Wanna bet a certain MN congresswoman reads this into the congressional record as something that supports her cause? ;)

    btw you left out a lot of evidence from the grassy knoll overlooking the beach.

    ReplyDelete
  29. You guys are all missing the point. Sharks are attracted by the interaction between cosmic rays, decaf lattes and power lines. This has been well known (but sadly ignored) since the 1850's. Unless we take off our blinkers innocent bathers will continue to be eaten by sharks.

    ReplyDelete
  30. If I remember right, there was a lot of sunspot activity directly above Amity during that period. Sharks are incredibly sensitive to sunlight so this is what caused it to go all man-eater on us. Any other time and it wouldn't have happened. Don't believe me? I have this badly drawn graph with no labels on the axes or full citation to the original source to show you that "proves it is so™"

    ReplyDelete
  31. Man-eating giant white shark activity was also much higher in the past, especially during the MWP (man-eater whitey period). I have another badly drawn graph to prove it to you...

    ReplyDelete
  32. You are all missing the real point. The alleged sharks weren't being fed ENOUGH!. Allegedly there was a hungry shark eating people but doing a lousy job of it because there were bodies in the morgue rather than in the shark.

    The self-proclaimed "shark expert" shows up and declares that there is a shark feeding off Amity beaches. He gets a boat, throws chum in the water, and sure enough, a giant shark shows up. This is important.....

    The Sharks Being Fed are Not At the Beach!!

    So instead of engaging in a free-market solution of soliciting bids for offshore shark feeding the mayor, police chief and "shark expert" engage in a futile, unconstitutional, government shark hunt.

    Had the free market been allowed to work there would have been no shark problem.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The only people who "saw" Quinn "killed by a shark" are the unreliable Brody and Hooper. Socialists regard sacrificing one entrepreneur like Quinn as a small price to pay for the gain of the many (a scientist who will now get funding for his shark alarmism, and a bureaucrat who will get re-elected).

    ReplyDelete
  34. Didn't someone or other hide the decline in Great White Shark numbers or am I getting things back to front?

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  35. I am sick of these so-called 'scientists' failing to grasp what are fundamentally straightforward concepts. There have been no so-called 'shark attacks' in Amity Island for over two days now! Therefore the so-called 'trend' of Great White incidents is now reversed and we are entering a clear period of growing safety. And don't patronise me by saying I don't understand the difference between so-called short and long term 'trends' (such as the mythical distinction between weather and climate) as I refuse to repeat the errors of these so-called 'experts' hell bent on serving their communist paymasters.

    ReplyDelete
  36. People who have children are heartless disgraces. By 2050 80% of the population will be eaten by sharks. It's all over thanks to human ignorance and greed.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Keep on slobbering all over rich butt, it's what you love to do. Ayn Rand is your porn, admit it.
    Extremists is what you all are, living in a fantasy world. God forgive you all.

    ReplyDelete
  38. But didn't the camera guy know who was killing people all along in this documentary? Why didn't he SAY anything?

    ReplyDelete
  39. The real issue here is still being ignored! It is only the circumstances that the shark was born into that made it eat people! If only this shark was disciplined more often by it's parents, and teachers in Shark School were allowed to hit students, none of this would have happened. Sharks are too soft on their kids nowadays, and it is high time this trend changed. The crazy notions that the shark chose to eat people on it's own free will, or that sharks are genetically inclined to eat people, is nothing more than poppycock.

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  42. This does deserve more comments. Besides the excellence of this piece on Mad Men, and as a first-timer to this site (linked to from a blog I occassionally read), I just had a moment of zoom out myself and marveled at how amazing it is that we have this medium now where commentary of this quality and richness can be created and made available to everyone. It's sort of awe-inspiring to realize that maybe 15 years ago this wasn't even possible.

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  43. awww please! even been a child this movie only proveke me one thing, a incredible laugh feeling, the effects sucks, the shark sucks, the story sucks, all in this movie sucks!!!

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  78. They did this by downplaying (or deliberately airbrushing out????) the effect that increasing numbers of tourists swimming in Amity waters (the so-called urban heatwave Amity Island cool off effect) were having on the total numbers of tasty targets in the sea.
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  83. Ben Meadows, a journalist for the Amity Gazette, was more effective at delaying action. First he cites technical procedures preventing closure of the beach"Technically you need the instruction of a civic ordinance or a special meeting of the town selectmen"
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  84. What Mayor Vaughn should have done here is start a blog called SharkAudit or WhatsUpWithTheShark. Unfortunately he doesn't think of this.
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  86. Matt Hooper from the "Oceanographic Institute" turns up. No-one seems to have called him, he just kind of appears. I've heard that scientists can actually smell sources of funding from up to 50 kilometers away. Hooper takes one look at the body and arrogantly proclaims:
    "It wasn't an 'accident,' it wasn't a boat propeller, or a coral reef, or Jack the Ripper. It was a shark."

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  95. While the so-called "experts" are playing with their "theories" and models, the local townspeople in the real world manage to catch and kill the shark, it's a large tiger shark which they bring back onto land. At this point we can conclude it was a shark attack after-all, because now that the possibility of beach closure has gone there is no reason to deny it anymore.
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  117. While the so-called "experts" are playing with their "theories" and models, the local townspeople in the real world manage to catch and kill the shark, it's a large tiger shark which they bring back onto land.
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  128. I don't think the police chief and scientist ever sorted out the attribution. What percentage of each death was due to the shark bite(s) versus drowning due to weakness from blood loss, or perhaps lack of sufficient limbs to tread water with?

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  135. Ben Meadows, a journalist for the Amity Gazette, was more effective at delaying action. First he cites technical procedures preventing closure of the beach.
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  143. But just like the CAGW fraud, the locals fall for Hooper's academic speak as if a so-called "shark expert" is some kind of authority on sharks. They are seemingly forgetting that Mayor Vaughn's theories are just as valid.
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  154. What Mayor Vaughn should have done here is start a blog called SharkAudit or WhatsUpWithTheShark. Unfortunately he doesn't think of this.
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  165. They did this by downplaying (or deliberately airbrushing out????) the effect that increasing numbers of tourists swimming in Amity waters (the so-called urban heatwave Amity Island cool off effect) were having on the total numbers of tasty targets in the sea.
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  166. Hooper admits he LOST the shark tooth in the water. If I was that incompetent in my business I would go out of business. But this is Oceanography we are talking about.
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