Stationary Audit

Blog Scientists have been busy making rules that climate scientists should abide by. One of the as yet unchecked auditables of climate science is the stationary scientists use.

Why should this matter? Well, for example a pencil with insufficient nib circumference can lead to overtly thick lines being drawn, which may in turn lead to hard to interpret graphs, leading to mistakes and even the very corruption of science itself.

As another example, a biro may be half exhausted, merely scratching at the paper rather than leaving it's telltale clear and distinctive mark. Such scratches may be misinterpreted as actual data points.

So improper maintenance of stationary is a concern. For this reason I have compiled my own industry strength Principles of Stationary. In the post below I will outline these principles and then apply them to a random field of science to see if that particular field of science passes the test. I was surprised and very concerned to find that the randomly chosen field, climate science, fails abysmally to pass my Principles of Stationary. I won't bother applying the principle to other fields of science as I am sure they will pass.

Lead and Graphite Marking Instruments (pencils)

Above Image: traditional and modern methods of pencil manufacture (so obviously I know what I am talking about)

• Principle 1a: A pencil should be sharpened immediately before use and observed closely throughout the work process for signs of blunting.

Such signs include a measured stress on strokes, subtle scratching sounds and minor fragmentation. On observing any of these signs the worker should immediately stop and resharpen the device before continuing.

• Principle 1b: If a break must be taken midst work (undesirable), the pencil can not be assumed to have maintained the same sharpness on return.

For one thing a colleague may have wielded the device in your absence. Be sure to assess the pencil condition carefully on return. Remember: If in doubt, Resharpen.

Ink devices (pens)

They say that pens are mightier than swords. This is no joke. Special attention should be made when wielding a pen and careful maintenance is essential.

• Principle 2a: Before use, pens should be dismantled and cleaned using light fabric and weak solvents. Reassemble the device with caution.

The maintenance of ink

Ink cartridges and ink wells must be treated with special care. The potential for ink spills is always high.

• Principle 3a: Before any ink refill cover all surfaces in the vicinity with water proof coverings.


• Principle 3b: Never use red ink when compiling maps of temperature.

Red ink spillages upon maps may result in inadvertent tax hikes and the collapse of the global economy.

Linear Measurement Instrumentals (rulers)

Rulers are especially dangerous as they can cause false trends.

• Principle 4a: All rulers must be carefully analyzed under a microscope before use to ensure they are perfectly linear..

Criteria of Compliance

To ensure compliance with the Principles of Stationary scientists must assign identification codes to all individual units of stationary. A record sheet must be maintained and updated whenever a stationary instrument is utilized. Each record must contain:

• The identification code of the utilized stationary item


• The date and time the item was utilized


• The intended use of the item


• Details of the measurements taken (nib width, ink levels, etc)

Each record must be signed off by 3 independent scientists. These independent scientists must not be associated in any way with the same field of research or the same institution as the stationary user. They must also be entirely unconnected with the research yet understand it completely. To be properly independent they must not have previously utilized the same item of stationary themselves.

• The stationary used to update the record sheet must also be recorded in the record sheet.

The record sheet must be appended to all published scientific papers as well as a copy being placed online on a publically accessible website so that Blog Scientists can look for problems to report to Fox News. In addition scientists must keep an up to date hourly photo record of all stationary instruments. Photos should be taken from above, below, left, right, front and back at 5 different zoom levels. These photos should also be uploaded to the website.

Failure to undertake any of the necessary compliance criteria will result in the underlying science being discredited and any theories in the field of science will become void.

Applying the principles to climate science

I was shocked to find that Climate Science fails all points of my principles. On all points they have either not applied my principles or have neglected to provide sufficient documentation. Therefore Not the IPCC.

A random paper I surveyed, Mann et al 1999, did not contain a Stationary Record Sheet! For this reason Mann does not received a Principles of Stationary compliance certificate from myself. Neither has anyone in IPCC headquarters contacted me about this. This is sheer negligence. Dangerous negligence.

Once Cuccinelli has finished having his go, I recommend that we next go after Micheal Mann's stationary. All pens and pencils that he's ever touched should be placed carefully into clear bags for CSI style analysis. We mustn't falter from inventing new ways of keeping alive the idea that Micheal Mann is hiding something.